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Trust builts slowly but destroys quickly

A famous saint used to live his livelihood by weaving cloths. He has to work many days and nights to prepare one sheet of cloth. Everybody knows that whatever the situation maybe he will not get angry. He was famous to analyze the situation find the problem and then try to find the solution.

One day a mischevious person bet among his friends and took up a challenge. He told all of his friends, “Today I will show you, how fake he is and how he will get angry today?”

When the saint reached to market, that person immediately approached him and started asking price of the full sheet of cloth. The saint told him the price, but that person insisted, “I want to see the whole sheet before purchasing”. One of the pupils accompanying with the saint, open the sheet of the cloth. That person asked for a pair of scissors and started cutting the cloth into two-part, then again he asked,” What is the price now?”.

The saint immediately understood his intentions but replied calmly the half of the price.  That person immediately picked up the pair of scissors and tore the cloth again into two parts. And again asked for the price. The saint smiled and told him again half of the price from the previous price. That person again picked up the pair of scissors and again started doing the same process.

The pupil was surprised to see that the buyer was tearing his sheet of cloth again and again into half, without the intention of purchasing and the saint was smiling and was telling him price every time. When the process completed and now there was no scope left to tear off the cloth one more time in half, that person stood up and told to the saint, “I am sorry, I do not want to purchase your cloth” The saint smiled again and replied “Its Ok. No issues. As you wish”.

When the person left the place, the pupil asked surprisingly, “You know that he was a mischievous person and he was playing with you. But why you have not reacted? He has destroyed your hard-earned money” The saint smiled that there are two things, “First, he came here with one strong trust on me that I will not become angry in any situation”. “And I tried to build his trust stronger”. “And second, you told right that he destroyed my two weeks hardworking and I have nothing left for next two weeks as an earning. He destroyed my today, but actually, today, he destroyed his future by showing his upbringing.”

Trust can not be enjoyed alone. It is a bilateral relationship. There should always be two parties to start with. When you read in your text bok the friction between two stones can bring fire out from stone. Had you believed that? No, not at all, at least at first time. But when your subject teacher told you the same story, you trust him a little bit but not on the full story. But when you have seen first time by himself or herself, then only, you immediately trusted on the textbook, and the words told by your teacher. The reason is you experienced himself the same you read. so the Trust is calculative. Trust needs proof.

The main difference between faith and trust is that the trust is conditional and faith is unconditional.

You can have faith in GOD, but before starting an airplane journey, you try to get maximum information from all sources about the pilot, about his past experience in flying a Boeing Plane. especially the number of successful journies completed and reason for unsuccessful journies. Actually, you want to be more sure, that you have trust in him.

There are two major dimensions, in front of people before they make decisions on trust. Preconscious, where a person already made half decision with his own beliefs, or experiences or stories heard in childhood. So, in that case, fifty percent decision is already taken by his brain. 

Second is a conscious decision, means calculative and conditionals. It is a slow process. If the condition is agreed to calculation, only then trust starts, but as soon as one condition fails, the trust started shaking and started dropping very quickly.

Trust is built with consistency. Like drops coming in a bucket through tap can fillup bucket only after consuming one whole day, and if the bucket has one hole in it then, in that case, it can take up to one month, and sometimes even the feasibility would be it maybe or maybe not.

In today’s world, trust is used as one of the most valuable currencies among humans. Can you assume to build any relationship without this with anyone? Obviously not?.

Among every relationship, trust is working somewhere in between. People do business, just because of the trust factor. We get married, we pay online payments, we purchase some items, you pay to expensive services, etc..etc… just because of the trust factor.

Well, whatever you want to achieve in your life, don’ start with developing networking, start with building trust among your network. The network will automatically develop.

As earlier said, trust can not work with a single party, it needs two to make four. It takes a lot of time to build. The whole process of gaining trust starts with understanding first. If you do not know a person, how can you trust him?

But this is also the part of the process that a single wrong or unmatured action can ruin any relationship you’ve built over a period of time within seconds.

To understand this you need to understand human behavior.

  1. The human needs to be caring even if he does not want to care.
  2. All humans are internally wired for connection but they disconnected deliberately.
  3. All humans want to feel important.
  4. Most humans like the same things.
  5. Most humans want to trust the same things.
  6. Most humans don’t want to initiate, they prefer to wait.

These are some common behaviors, you can find more.

Every new trust-building process will convert existing trust into a strong belief.

Don’t trust me, trust yourself, believe in yourself only.

Thanks for reading, do send your reviews as usual.

Bye-bye, take care

Regards,

Neeraj Bhatia

neeraj.bhatia@aaradhyagroups.com

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Nothing is Everything

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Recently, during my stay in Bangalore, India. I used to go to have my breakfast between 7:00-7:30 a.m. in my favorite restaurant “New Flavor”, which is just near my place where I was staying. I noticed at the same time three young smart guys used to join me almost every day, dressed lightly blue color shirt and dark blue jeans. Initially, I could notice one thing only that without asking their orders, a similar type of breakfast served to them by restaurant staff daily. I never found them talking to each other.

One fine day, I found there was some discussion going on among three, but the language they were using was sign language. In multiple cities I have seen people serving NGOs, trying to learn sign language to enhance their skill to interact with people having such issues. Generally, I found then practicing this in public places only.

My first thought was the same for all these three young chaps. But when I enquired the same with restaurant staff, then only I could get the information that they all are deaf and not able to speak. But they are quite comfortable in their life. They all were in jobs and enjoying life. They don’t have any complaint from life.

Those who have the only complaint from life was, “Can anyone of us assume to spend only one day in our life with these deficiencies? And the answer is well known, “Can’t think of it”. Right?

After groping in the dark, if you see the light, you know the value of light, because you know the pain of darkness. But what happened if you well equipped with light since birth, then the value of light is obviously do not have value to you. This is the time when you should force yourself to understand the pain of darkness, then only you can understand the value of light.

Today people know the price of everything and value of nothing.

Second and very important thought came into my mind is, “How a language can become a barrier for global development when it is the most important means for all of us to communicate with each other?”

In general, the people of the whole world is divided by ourselves through useless barriers like geographical demarcations, gender, language, color, caste, creeds, body structure, skin, etc. But when we look into deep in our heart, we all are same.

Well, we cannot say that every thought process done by our ancestors were wrong. They have done a wonderful job, but manipulators won easily when a large group of people becomes a toy of a handful of diplomatic people.

After the division of India & Pakistan, a Sikh family came from Lahore to Delhi. They were refugees. At that time a lot of promises done by Government for all refugees, but it never fulfilled due to the unreliable source of database. Real refugees never get their piece of bread, they understand that they have to earn it by themselves.  The family was completely shattered. They were having two boys and two girls in the family. Somebody suggested the groom from Punjab living in Delhi, for their elder daughter. Head of the family immediately agreed, even the girl was minor. The rationale behind was simple that she can at least get the full-time meal for the rest of her life.

The elder daughter was very hard working. She adjusted with everyone in the family, even she came to know later that her husband was daily drunker. The day came when she purchased a piece of land and then she started dreaming to develop her own home, sweet home on it. In between, she gave birth to her four children. All grown up and happily living life. When one day they shocked to get the information that their father is no more now. Their mother got a huge sum of amount because their father was having some deals finished a few days back and got a huge profit from it.

Mother of four immediately started constructing a two-story building named “Prem Sadan” (A house where love dwells). Building constructed and she allotted each one portion to all fours children and kept one portion in middle for her. Everybody was happy. Then she has decided to marry all of her children one by one.

And the doom days started. Eldest son was about to marry, then the news came the second son has already selected his bride and if his elder brother delayed, he was ready to marry before him. On those days, it was treated as a bad omen. So the mother decided to go for a quick marriage for his eldest son first. Both got married. Everything was running smoothly until the decision taken for the marriage of her third son. Soon after the marriage of her third son, trifles started in home front about pity issues among all three daughters-in-law. Mother tried to resolve the issues, by distributing the day to day household work at home among all, but the third son’s wife knows very well that how a mole can be converted into a mountain. She knows how to manipulate all the words in front of her husband and how to play tricks to raise disputes.

And then the final bout faced by mother direct on her face, when informed by her third son that he wants the division of property legally. Mother knew that somebody was smiling from her back. She tried to convince all her sons that she has already given to them their portions of the property, where they are living happily, then why they want division legally? But this time nobody wants to listen to her. And she did not want to fight anymore, she was growing old now. This was the last day of her life when she saw the boundary walls are being raised in “Prem Sadan”. Prem, the LOVE vanished among all and it was clubbed in the cage again. The effort did by her, the whole life, to make a beautiful home was destroyed and the home was converted into a house, some walls, some boundaries some windows, some doors, just by some meaningless, crooked ideas and greed and a big EGO.

Now come to the point, you can assume our earth as a whole sweat home, where the demarcations done by our ancestors to live a happy life. It was a geographical division. We never understood when this geographical division become the basis of partition among our hearts.  Just because some people want to satisfy their ego, just to show their presence to the whole world, started eating our independence with their meaningless provocative words and became our leaders. Thinking that they are our well-wishers, some of us followed them and today everywhere we can see fights, arsenal, hate, apathy, just because they want to rule on the world through us. The beautiful home is converted into chaos, and everything is messed up. We wanted to live our dream, but in reality, we became the victim and till today they are using us to living up their own dirty inspirations and dreams.

There is a thumb rule, to live, and to leave this world is that whatever you possess either to use it or distribute it. There is no way to take away from this earth any single piece or item.

I personally wanted to write a book on the topic “Peace of Mind”. When I was thinking about, it was very clear in my mind that people should satisfy somewhere with what they have in their hand. They should try hard to get whatever they want to achieve, but should not connect their failure with the final outcome of the result. But suddenly I got the vibes, “If we have peace of mind, why should we run for materialistic things”. Then another vibe ran into my mind, “why should not? Why one should make himself satisfy, with what he possesses?. We are living in this world, where a lot of people do not have what we have, so better to do something for them. And to achieve this goal, we have to make ourselves dissatisfied. Do something good for those. And only then we will get a final “Peace of Mind”, within us.

Sometimes when we run behind a specific task, but unable to achieve something satisfactory. Then we feel like we have finished a long marathon just for nothing. And this is time, when the first time we feel, we have to do more specific research to understand our failures. After gearing up, again we start running behind our task wether we face failure again and again.

“There is no failure except in no longer trying”.

Sir James Dyson failed 5126 times within 15 yrs. before he succeeded to invent bagless vacuum cleaner. Thomas Edison was told by his teachers he was “too stupid to learn anything”. Theodor Seuss Geisel, known to “Dr. Seuss”, much-loved children author has his first book rejected by 27 publishers.

 There are thousands of examples all over the world present today for us, and we are following blindly. But you know, there is one more truth behind that, is, those who completed their tasks, are in limelight, but thousands are those, who never come into the picture.

Failures do not have any counts, but a successful person gets limelights.

  What the purpose is behind to mention above is very simple. There is a very thin line between “Lets Go” and “Let it Go”.

Once you are ready to accept that, life becomes easy for you. You don’t learn to grab anything since birth, but you need to learn to let it go. And this is not a science, this is a practice, and to do this you need to learn, what you know and what you don’t know?

The problem starts only when “Knowledge” converts into “Ego”. If you are thinking that you are the doer and you are the only person, who can do it, then your ego pulls you behind. The person surrounded by you immediately senses that you are pulled by ego and they started trying to make a distance from yourself.

When you surrender by accepting, you are nothing, but you are chosen to complete this task and this task is not benefited only you, but this will be benefited to entire mankind, then every person, who may be more knowledgeable or less knowledgeable and including every particle in this universe starts serving you and support you.

In my recent air trip, I got a window seat in airbus and when the landing started, I peeped out from the window. The earth was looking like a city of a small fairy tale, where we have small decorated houses, clean black roads, trees were flourishing alongside, small milky color lights were spreading from the center of the roads. Small vehicles like car, truck, bikes, scooters, etc. plying on the road.

And then I started thinking about where we people are? Oh yes, got it. A small creature like entity, moving slower than an ant on the pavement. And my mind flashed with thoughts. When we are looking at ourselves from the top, we can see we are nothing. Actually we are smaller than a mosquito. But as soon as we are coming closer to our land, we start to compare ourselves with existing entities. Then we become “Something”. Go a little more deep in these thoughts with me. When we found ourselves surrounded by other entities, then we started comparing ourselves and this thought generates superiority complex. And this superiority complex is a generator of our EGO.

If we are far from our earth, our properties, our relationships, our wealth, our positions, we fly high, when we are connected with nothing. But we grounded ourselves when we are connected with all of them and forget how to live and how to leave.

So enjoy with nothing. Because in a real sense nothing is everything.  

Thanks for reading. Do send your reviews, I will respond as soon as possible.

Bye, take care of yourself, your relatives, friends, and your near and dear ones

Regards

Neeraj Bhatia

 

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Seriously, I don’t have time?

From 2nd October 1988 to 15th July 1990, the 94-episode Hindi series had its original run on DD National TV channel. It was produced by B.R. Chopra and directed by his son, Ravi Chopra. I remember those days and its airtime, you would find rarely a single person on road. Everyone stuck to its television screen during that time. It generally aired on Sunday morning. And the name of the TV serial was MAHABHARAT. This was an Indian television series based on the Hindu epic of the same name.

The specialty of this series was, it always starts with a unique round running wheel, on-screen, personification of “Time”, having a great voice-over of “Harish Bhimani” with dialogue “Main Samay Hoon”, in the English language its translation is “I am the Time“.

This was the first time, I started thinking, “Does time exists?”

Once I was listening to a Mushayara (poetry session) and I listened to one beautiful “Sher”, which forced me to write this blog. The lyricist (Shaayar) is giving an answer to a beautiful question. “What is Time”? He gave an answer by reciting only one line.

He recites “वक़्त क्या है”? “हाथों की कलाईयो से चूड़ियां ले जाता है और चेहरे पर झुर्रियां दे जाता है “In the English language it means “What is time”? “It takes bangles from the wrist and returns wrinkles on face”. Obviously, this is indicating towards women but this is a fact for all human in this world. We heard a lot of statements in our day to day life like: “Time is running out”. “Time is critical’ “Time is good” Time is not so good”. “Where is time left for me”. “Race against time” etc. The so-called “Time” leaves nothing in our hand. But who is running behind whom? Time is running, or we are running? 

I started thinking, “If I will call somebody today just for a simple reason, the answer is always the same and that would be, “I don’t have time”. Doesn’t it seems, we are becoming a laughing stock for everyone. We do not want to take any responsibility? We have found an escape route. Well if nobody has time, then who has time?

If somebody is giving you that statement, that he or she does not have time to listen to your or for your work, I bet, just watch carefully his or her activities for some time. You will easily find that that statement was just to find an escape route to get rid of you. He or She has had enough time to waste on useless activities or gossips with others. In short, this becomes our habit now, to showcase others that he or she is the busiest person, but actually, they are busy with no business. It is simply a hight of mismanagement.

My question from everybody in this world is “What is time”? Where it comes from? Where it goes? From where it started? Who invented it? Please don’t give me the theory of physicist Albert Einstein showed that time is an illusion; it is relative — it can vary for different observers depending on your speed through space.

If time is an illusion, why we are quoting the statement, “I don’t have time”, It means you are accepting that you have a control on the time and it is in your hand and for a specific moment you do not have time. And alternatively, we are also accepted by saying, “Yes tomorrow we have some time, you can come for discussion”.

The main question here is. “Do we accept time is an illusion? or Do we accept the theory that time is physical and we have an ability to control it?

Do you know, the normal respiration rate for an adult at rest is 20 breaths per minute. So, how many breaths we are having in a day, i.e. 28,800, actually which we are losing every day. When a person is admitted in the hospital within the critical condition of a heart attack. Doctor’s says only one statement. “We will try our level best, the rest is in the hands in GOD. So, if you think between the lines, the doctor is saying that we will try till the patient is breathing, else you have to accept that his time comes now”. means ready to hear “He is no more”. He has completed his journey in this world.

Do you think, can we reverse time? Again please don’t give me fiction stories. I am sure, you will agree that dead man can not take a breath, even we have multiple oxygen cylinders with us. We need to accept, the only truth is that time can not be reversed. But the same question again here is “From where it comes, how it comes to an end?”.

Somehow, here we need to accept that when a person takes his or her first breath at birth in the womb, we can say, his or her time starts, and when he or she takes his last breath, we can say his or her times comes to an end. So at least we are able to connect time with a human body successfully, even agreed on the point that time does not exist.

Do you know, without understanding the virtual existence or nonexistence of time, how much we actually dependent on time? Let us take a few examples:

If you want to understand the importance of time, ask:

  1. From a student, who reached late for a minute in the examination hall.
  2. To a traveler, who missed the scheduled train or bus or airplane.
  3. From a son, who lost his mother, not able to reach hospital due to traffic-jammed in the city
  4. From a pregnant woman, who keeps life in a womb for some months and could deliver only dead child.
  5. From a student, who studied full year and failed from one number.
  6. From a sports person, who lost race just for .0001 seconds.

Above mentioned are some examples, which shows how important the time is in our lives, even it does not exists, but we can not assume for a second, that it does not exist.

We need to remember, in our life if we lost health, it can be regained, if we lost wealth, it can also be regained, but if we lost the time it lost forever. Every second count.

We knew that we do not have control over time, so we tied ourselves with the time machine, and we invented its measurements.  But ironically everybody till today thinking that we have control on time, but actually, it is not. We humans actually created calendars, years, moths, day, hours, minutes, seconds and microseconds, not to tie up time, but to tie up ourselves against time.

Next time when you are telling to somebody that “You do not have time”, just remember you do not have control over time. Time is controlling you. Time makes you “ON” or “OFF” at any time, but you can’t.

Remember: Time and Tide wait for none.

Thanks for reading.

Please send your reviews, as usual, I will reply to you as soon as possible.

Take care of yourself, family, friends, relatives near and dear ones.

Regards,

Neeraj Bhatia

neeraj.bhatia@aaradhyagroupscom